Dating apps: here’s what you’re doing wrong and why you need to change it immediately
“Dating is online man. That’s where everyone is going” said one of my well-meaning and helpful friends.
I’ve mostly had a love and hate (mostly hate) relationship with dating sites and apps, which I first started using in 2008.
In all that time spent sending messages and swiping right and left, I’ve never gotten a single date. That’s right — not even one.
I will say that I’ve never been consistent with dating apps but during the in between years I was convinced it wouldn’t work for me anyway, so I focused on meeting people in person instead.
Those who I met in real life ended up breaking my heart, which is neither here nor there except to highlight my overall frustration with dating in general. I ended up making some great friends, so that’s something, even if it wasn’t the desired outcome.
But after a recent heartbreak, as vulnerable as I was, I felt it important to start putting myself out there again. I had never fallen for anyone as hard I had fallen for her, but as it became clear it just wasn’t going to work, there was no choice but to keep soldiering on.
Having gone through a great deal of personal growth in the last couple of years (especially because of failed relationships), I thought this time online dating might be different.
I furnished a dating profile with my best (though not touched up) photos along with a bio that highlighted my many interests, talents and accomplishments.
And, after weeks of swiping left and right… I still haven’t gotten a single reply let alone any matches.
What’s more insidious is these damned dating apps prompting me to upgrade every 10 to 20 swipes. “Get more visibility”, they say.
Why would I upgrade? If you want me to put money into your product, you should do your damndest to get me a date in the first seven days of usage. And, it better be a good one, too, even if I don’t end up marrying her.
I’m the consumer, remember? If you can’t prove your product’s value, I’m not going to put any money into it.
And, just so this is on record, I’ve used both paid and free apps. I’ve tried Plenty of Fish, Match, Tinder, Bumble and others. None of them have worked for me, and the few ladies who I exchanged messages with, I honestly wouldn’t want to touch with a 10-foot pole.
Now, I’m sure some of you are going, “okay, so you must be fat and ugly, right?” Be honest. You were thinking it.
Well, I’m no Ryan Reynolds, but I’m 6'2", I work out regularly and have received compliments from pretty girls. So tough shit.
I’m also a skilled blogger, podcaster, public speaker, author, singer-songwriter and guitarist. Yes, I do all of it well and can prove it to you if necessary.
“Oh, okay, so that means you’re picky and a total asshole, right?”
Sorry to disappoint. Yeah, I used to be picky — back in high school. These days, I see beauty everywhere. Sure, I’m specific about what I’m looking for and I’m not going to go on a second date with someone I’m not attracted to.
Maybe that makes me an asshole in the eyes of some. But life’s too short to spend with someone you’re not excited about.
I’m not saying there’s nothing wrong with me or my approach. There probably is.
But I also think dating apps could be doing more to help people like me.
Could you offer some tips, like “Did you know photos featuring serious faces and squinty eyes work 70% better than smiling faces for men?”
I just pulled that out of my ass, but seriously can you not be bothered to help me get success in my first seven days of using your app, and if not, could you do it in 30?
Don’t make me pay for exposure. Give me maximum exposure the moment I start using your app!
As Dr. Evil would say, “throw me a frickin’ bone here.” You want me to upgrade? Get me a damn date first. You have yet to prove your product’s worth.